Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Dunce cap for cutie

After all my building of goals and getting myself all psyched up yesterday, I somehow lost track of time and missed my bus, which translated in to almost certainly missing my PT session. For the first time ever though, I didn't allow myself to give up, I hopped the next one and prayed it would be faster and earlier than usual. If you've ever taken public transport in Canberra you'll know how delusional I was at that point. So I got to the gym 15 mins late to be told it was too late to do the session. I was ready to call myself some rather feral names, but my trainer came to the rescue and set me up with a new time.

Thus today at lunch I got slaughtered by a trainer that was 7 months pregnant with a very sweet nature, hiding a heart of darkness if my muscles are to be believed. I'm feeling really good about having done it, but I'm definitely stiff and sore. While I was there I got some info on the point system, which I subsequently lost somewhere between the gym and work. It's more the lose of the paper it was on that's upsetting me though - a spreadsheet with some rather important financial information on it  :(

I'm also starting to second guess my move to the Wednesday night Group PT session and the Yellow team as well, considering staying Monday and being Green. Hey, I always loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! On the downside I've already bought some yellow hair accessories, and I've also completely mutilated my desk diary and my pocket diary with all of these changes. To be honest, I'm getting thoroughly sick of myself.

In case you can't tell, my current mood is tired and over it all. Though I am trying to cut back on my coffee intake (I love milky coffees, so the not-good-at-all for weightloss ones). Maybe though it's mostly because I'm contemplating the tasks for tonight - baking of cookies, cupcakes and mini-cheesecakes for a work function tomorrow, trivia with much loved friends (though I'm hardly in the right head space) and re-doing all the calculations that I lost with that stupid scrap of paper. To top it off it's miserable, cold and rainy out there. This weather always makes me want to curl up under a thick blanket with a good book and a cup of ovaltine in hand.

There's been some good things too - I had an Aero bar in my handbag for almost 4 days and didn't eat it. That's quite an effort for me, as I love Aero with a passion. I was also presented with some M&Ms at work but I managed to just say no. I'm a little worried with the morning tea tomorrow (and my subsequent baking) that I'm going to give in on that one and eat them. I love to bake, it's a true love of mine and the three recipes I'm doing are stand out favourits, but I think the real issue here is I need to find healthier things to bake that are still delicious - need suggestions! I'm also going to be eating out tonight at trivia. I've already scoped the menu online and I'm thinking the best option is the roast meal with vegetables. Though I may have to talk to my food coach about this next week and see where I can do better when eating out.

I'm kind of impressed with my will power thus far, though there's that little voice in my head saying - 'don't deny yourself something you really want'. It's a bit of an internal argument that goes on, which basically ends with me telling my internal voice to shut up. I do want to still enjoy my life (which includes enjoying food for me), but at this early stage I want to focus on finding the routine I had back in September and getting a handle on, and developing better/healthier eating habits, before I feel I can indulge a little here and there. So for now, I'm making the choice to deny myself the junk so I can shrink my trunk.

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